Settling In

School has been underway for about a month now, which means I’m left to my own devices for the better part of a day, everyday. We’re gradually finding a routine, and tweaking it everyday.

Kate wakes up at about 6am each weekday, and gets herself ready to go. She needs to be at school at 7am everyday as she is one of the staff members that greets students as they arrive. She says goodbye to me around 6:45, which is generally my queue to start getting up. I pull myself out of bed just shy of 7:00 each day to start working on the boys. I’ll walk into Henry’s room, say good morning a few times until he wakes up and gives me a sign of life. Then I’ll go over to Miles’ room, and give him a quick snuggle to wake him up. Kate and I often refer to Miles as our emotional support animal, because he’s such a sweet and affectionate kid.

Once the boys are up, I’ll feed them a quick breakfast, and they’ll get dressed, and we’re out the door by around 7:30 each morning. I walk them to school everyday, where I wish them a good day, and I get to properly say good morning to Kate, as she always greats me with a smile. I suppose it would be kinda awkward if she scowled at me as I arrived. The only difference is on Mondays and Fridays, when Kate takes Henry to the school as he has basketball practice at 6:45am on those days. So we’re an early-to-rise family, despite our natural inclinations of sleeping in.

Once I’ve dropped off the boys and said my daily goodbye to them and Kate, I walk back to the apartment. I eat the same breakfast everyday. Two scrambled eggs, a half-cup of quick oats with a dash of maple syrup (which is available, but VERY expensive here) and a couple fresh sliced strawberries, as well as a chocolate protein shake. I’m a creature of habit. I like consistency and stasis. I adapt pretty well in most circumstances (as evidenced by our move to a foreign land on not much more than a whim), but my preference and comfort level is highest in routine.

Once I’m done with breakfast, I’ll spend time on the NYTimes Wordle, spelling bee, Mini crossword, sudoku, connections and strands games. I may watch a few YouTube news videos from a few curated creators I have been following. Then, I’ll pull my lazy ass up from the couch, and go to the gym. Monday, Wednesday and Fridays are strength training days lifting weights, and Tuesdays are cardio days, usually on the elliptical machine, but I’m going to start on the treadmill soon. I’ll usually take Thursdays off to recover from Wednesday night football, crudely referred to as “soccer” by those in the States. It’s a group of parents and teachers from the school, and we play on an astonishingly beautiful field at the school. If I haven’t mentioned it before, the BASIS campus here in Bangkok is amazing. Playing on natural grass is saving my knees, too. It’s been such a pleasure not feeling like I can’t move the next day, thanks to softer, more forgiving ground.

After the gym, I’ll come home, grab a quick snack, rest for a few minutes, then I’ll either walk to the mall for lunch, or order food for delivery, depending on if there is anything we need to stock up on.

After that, I typically practice my saxophone for about an hour, at which point school is winding down, so I’ll often walk over to meet the family, or wait for them to come home.

Henry has basketball practices on Wednesday nights, and Miles just started Taekwondo, which is Tuesday evenings. He’s also about to start up piano lessons again on Thursday eveninigs.

Once they are home, homework commences. The curriculum at BASIS is heavy on homework. I can’t say I philosophically fully agree with the amount of homework provided, but we were well aware of what was to be expected. Henry was in BASIS back in Northern VA through 4th grade, and Miles through pre-K, and Kate has been working in the BASIS system for about 8 years now. We put both boys in public school last year to give them a break from the rigor of BASIS, so they had more time to enjoy their final year in the States before we moved. BASIS expect a LOT of their students. Miles’ workload so far has been quite manageable, but 6th grade for Henry is challenging. It’s a lot. But I gotta say, I’m immensely proud of him. He has ADHD, so getting him to sit down and focus is no small task. For him and his parents. He hates showing his work for his math problems. It’s hard as he is quite a natural and doing calculations in his head, but as the work becomes more challenging for him, he’s going to find himself in a difficult place if he continues to avoid taking the slow and steady approach. But he’s doing it, and without nearly as much pushback as I remember two years ago during his most recent year at BASIS. He cares deeply about getting good grades. More so than Kate or I care. He puts a lot of pressure on himself. I’m not entirely where that comes from, as Kate and I were not exactly the most motivated students prior to college.

So Kate and the boys have long, busy days. I, on the other hand, have time. Lots and lots of time. But it doesn’t always feel like it. I’m not exactly the best self-motivator out there. I’m far from a type A. I’m content to sit on my duff all day. But I do have desires of, for lack of a better term, self improvement.

Prior to the move, as you are all well aware of from prior blog posts, things got insanely busy. There were about three straight years where I was going to the gym consistently, and also playing football each week (I live in Thailand now, and therefore will call the sport by its proper name. If you don’t like it, tough noogies.) I got in the best shape of my life since high school. I mean, I was still a LONG way off from where I was in high school aerobically, but I was the strongest I had ever been in my life. I was bench pressing above my body weight. It was wonderful. But work got insanely busy, then I switched jobs, and it was busier than I anticipated, then when I stopped working to prepare for the move, there was not time to do much other than prepare.

I’m so happy to be back in the gym and playing football again. It feels so good to feel my body get stronger and better again. I had lost so much of the gains I had made. I put all the weight back on. I lost my muscle tone. My blood pressure and cholesterol spiked. It was so frustrating. But Here I am. Strength is coming back rapidly. I’m doing aerobic work, which I didn’t do during that three year stint, and I can already see changes in my appearance.

Let me clarify, though. I hate the gym. I don’t like the act of lifting weights or using an elliptical machine, or running in place on a treadmill. It hurts. It’s uncomfortable. But the gains and benefits from it are undeniable, and there is something very gratifying about getting stronger and adding more plates to the bench press barbell. I always feel good after I work out. I know it’s done and I can rest for the day.

I’m also happy to be practicing saxophone consistently again. I love the instrument so much. I love the feeling of putting air through it and hearing the sound. My practice routine is shit. I should probably get with a teacher again to help me develop a decent practice routine and work on stuff I have neglected my whole life. I have no doubt I could have been up there with a lot of the best players out there if I had done the work. It’s really the major factor that separates the best musicians out there from just the average shlubs like myself. This goes back to the whole thing of not being a self-motivator. My friends that are really successful are usually the ones that treat the music like food. They need it to survive.

I’m on the fence, though, about if I wish I had that drive. If I did, I’m sure my life would have been a lot different. But I don’t think that’s a life I would have wanted. Certainly not at this point. I love my family so much. I can’t conceive of an existence without them. A full-fledged music career would have meant not having a family in this same context.

So I have a nice little routine going on now. But it isn’t enough. There are so many things I need to start picking up again. I’ve done a little networking already with some fellow ex-pats. I’ve done some brainstorming about some business opportunities which sound promising, but require that type-A mentality to really get the ball rolling. When I’m pushed, I can flex that muscle. So I think I can put it together as needed. I want to spend more time looking at Ambassad Collective, the company I am a partner in with my friend Lauren. I want to take my nice camera out of the bag and start going around the city and taking pictures. And most importantly, I really need to start learning the language here.

All of these things will start happening. I have no doubt about that. It just takes me a little more time to get my routine down and I get to a good place of comfort. Then I can start branching out and spend energy on other things.

Blessed Relief

Finally. We made it. I’m not talking about moving here. I’m talking about the school year beginning. The moment I’ve been so looking forward to.

The last few weeks have been insanely stressful. Shit, the last YEAR has been insanely stressful. And I don’t think it really hit me just how much until this week, when I finally could sit down, take a deep breath, and have quiet, empty space.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore my kids. But dear lord are they a lot to manage. Kate had started work on July 30th, so I was home with the kids. I was already in a not-so-great emotional place with lots of things going on I’ll get to, and to add on two kids to try and entertain with their own quirks and needs just compounded things. I was not exactly in the best place to parent at my best or be the best husband for my wife as she navigates her new job. It was rough.

I had worked a consulting job for about 7 months up until April which allowed us to put some extra money away as I wasn’t going to be working from mid-April until the end of June so I could focus on getting us over here. It’s rather miraculous how perfectly the timing of that gig was. I don’t know how we could have made it over here if I had to work for those last two months. The amount of effort that goes into moving overseas, especially when you need to purge a full house and a decade-worth of accumulated belongings, remove absolutely every single item from the house to get it ready to rent out, figure out how to decide on what gets to come along in 7 checked suitcases (I’m selfish and used the eighth item for my golf clubs) and 3 carry-on items (the fourth being my alto saxophone) and 4 personal items, is Herculean. Two weeks in a hotel, then we got over here.

A week and a half in, we took a “vacation” to Railay Beach. It was breathtakingly beautiful, but I can’t say I was able to relax. Kids were a handful, and other things were still weighing on my mind related to getting settled in.

Kate gets paid on the last day of each month. So we had to get through the month of July without a paycheck. Thankfully, we were able to put enough in savings to have money left over even after the month, but we definitely burnt through more than I had anticipated. Also, there were a lot of unanticipated start-up costs for the boys school we didn’t take into account, which was really stressful. Once she finally got paid, accessing the money was not exactly simple at first as it relates to getting her bank account. I’ll explain below.

Some things I’ve learned so far, at least anecdotally: Some things here are insanely easy and efficient, while other things here are overly complicated and stressful. And let’s be clear, the language barrier doesn’t help. In no particular order:

Banking - A straight up hassle initially. A representative came over to the school where Kate works to help all the new employees get their accounts set up. Then, we had to go to the branch to fill out more paperwork to get our debit cards and get access to our account online. Yes, you read that correctly. You have to go to the branch to get access to the online banking website and app. This whole process took two trips to the bank, each lasting over an hour.

(Kate has a solid theory about why there are so many steps involved in these should-be seemingly simple actions. There are a LOT of people here, and they need jobs. The economy here seems like it is set up to create inefficiencies to provide employment for a lot of people. I have no proof or evidence to support this, but it seems more than plausible.)

So, while we’re at the bank branch, Kate is able to set up her banking app on her phone. I, however, am not. Only the bank account owner can access the phone app. I suppose that since women were only able to open their own credit cards without their husband’s permission only in the last 50 years in the US, it’s a bit of vindication that my wife gets to fully control the family coffers.

Despite the inefficiencies related to opening a bank account, especially for a non-Thai individual, once you’re set up, there are some fabulous aspects to banking here. There are no ATM fees for Thai bank accounts. There are a handful of Thai banks, from what I can gather. I don’t know if they all have an agreement, or if there is legislation outlawing it, but taking cash out of an ATM is free. It is definitely a much more cash based society than the US.

Another great feature to banking here are the QR codes for payment. Stores, taxis, food and market vendors all have QR codes displayed so you can simply scan the code with your phone to automatically transfer money between bank accounts.

Unfortunately, as I am unable to access the banking app, I miss out on this great feature. So for now, I’ll just have to rely on my debit card (which needs to be verified on my wife’s phone anytime we add it to a new online vendor) or pay in cash.

So there’s good and bad with the banking.

Healthcare - We have become way to familiar with the healthcare in Thailand to fast for my liking. A few weeks ago, I found the name of a highly regarded shoulder specialist in Bangkok’s largest hospital, Bamrungrad. I called to make an appointment. They got me in the next day! I absolutely couldn’t believe it. When in the US can you EVER get into a specialist in less than two weeks unless it’s for an emergency? They gave me an appointment time, told me what time to show up, what floor to go to as a new patient.

I showed up, walked in the building, and was immediately greeted by someone at the front desk who showed me where to go. I went up to the floor for registration, took a number, and had to wait a whopping 2 minutes before my number was called. I filled out my paperwork, then was walked over to another desk to submit my insurance info. This whole process took maybe 10 minutes. Then I went up to my appointment. I was greeted at the desk by an apologetic attendant because there was one person in front of me. The horror! So I took a seat in the waiting area. No more than two minutes later I was called back to triage where they took my weight and blood pressure. Then I was walked to the exam room to be met by the surgeon and his assistant, another ortho doctor. He did a quick exam, diagnosed me with AC joint arthritis and gave me a cortisone shot. Done. Insanely efficient. The shot has helped a lot, but I’m still experiencing some issues. I may need to go back for an MRI in a few weeks if it doesn’t improve more with exercise.

Henry, my older son, has ADHD. We have been working on finding the right medication for him. We think we found a good one back in the states and needed a refill. Our apartment building is attached to another really good hospital. We were connected to the hospitals concierge on an app called Line, which is ubiquitous here. I sent a message pretty late in the evening to the concierge, and received a response first thing the following morning. They set us up with an appointment, again, the very next day, with a doctor here to go over my son’s meds. The only somewhat inefficient part of this process was needing to submit the claim myself to the insurance company as his ADHD is considered a pre-existing condition. Out insurance covers pre-existing conditions, but not all do here and the hospital won’t always do direct billing for pre-existing conditions. I submitted the claim, and we already received reimbursement.

Kate had to make an appointment herself, and had the same ease of scheduling. Same with me for another issue I was experiencing (high blood pressure, likely stress induced). All the doctors and staff have been wonderful. The cardiologist I went to is fabulous, and extremely thorough.

Kate, Henry and I all have taken advantage of the healthcare, so that, of course, leaves Miles. Oh, Miles. So…

The Monday of Kate’s second week back at work started out nicely. Miles and Henry were playing in the pool with a new friend who lives down the hall from us. A very sweet boy who’s a year older than Miles, and they seem to be getting along great. All three boys are playing in the pool and having fun. There are black marble stairs that go up to the pool. The other boy was throwing a ball that would skim along the surface of the water, and he kept throwing and it would go out of the pool. Henry and Miles would chase each other out of the pool to get the ball, and then run back up the stairs to jump back into the pool to throw the ball back to the other boy. I think you can see where this is going. Finally, Henry and Miles are out running for the ball. Henry gets it, and starts chacing Miles with the ball. Miles takes a step on the stairs. I see his foot slip and he fall forward. CRACK! Forehead cracks right on the step above him. I immediately start gathering all of our belongings, yelling at Henry to get everything I can’t grab and to make sure our friend gets out of the pool and comes with us. I didn’t have to look at Miles to know he would need stitches. But he stands up, and has what looks like a third, bloody eye above his left eye. Blood starts running down his face. So I scoop him up, quickly getting us to our apartment. I grab a papertowel to press on the wound, grab our passports, and leave Henry in the apartment.

Miles is screaming as we are walking through the halls to go to the hospital. I never imagined living directly next to a hospital would be so advantageous. As we are on the walkway connecting the apartment building to the hospital, two nurses who looked like were about to go on lunch break quickly lept into action to help us, and whisked us away to the emergency room, and walked us straight there where Miles immediately was seated on a gurney. The attending nurse cleaned up the wound. I called Kate five times to get her to pick up while she was on her lunch break. She rushed right over to the hospital. Within five minutes, they had Miles in a sterile room where Kate and I were not allowed, and stitched him up. Ten stitches in his forehead. From the time he cracked his head to the time he was stitched up, it couldn’t have been more than a half hour. I can’t speak enough about how helpful they are in the hospital.

Miles’ stitches came out two days ago, the day before school started.

So that was fun.

So school has started, and all of the major logistical items seem to have fallen into place. This week has been somewhat cathartic for me. I’m FINALLY at the place I had been anticipating for a year and a half. The husband of leisure, so long as I take care of the kids once everyone gets back from school. I can deal with that. I’m going to the gym everyday. I’m practicing my saxophone everyday. I’m starting to finally spend time trying to learn the language. I finally have time to focus more on Ambassad Collective. I’m sure this will get a bit boring and lonely after a few weeks, and I will want to get back to work in a little while. As wonderful as this life of leisure is, I still have the drive to contribute financially to my family. I’m going to a networking event in a couple weeks, so I’m hoping to meet some folks and hopefully figure some things out. But until something falls into place, I’m going to enjoy myself, and try to get healthy again, and re-immerse myself into music.

I’ve also met a few other husbands of BASIS ladies who are in the same situation as me. So I’m hoping to get to know these guys and make some friends. They all seem really nice.

Catch Up

Honestly, I plan to write a little more frequently! It’s been a lot getting settled in, though. Lots to fill you all in on! Jazz jam session, trip to Railay Beach, first trip to a movie theater, malls, and general settling in and acclamation.

I found a fun jazz jam session at a a nice bar called Queen Bee in a pretty hopping part of town. They have it every Sunday night. It’s a good time! They were all really welcoming and nice. The jam session is led by an ex-pat American who’s been over hear for a long time, as well as some local Bangkok musicians. I also met a couple current Berklee students studying saxophone that are home for the summer. It was a lot of fun reminiscing and talking about their experience in Boston. I’m super rusty, and haven’t had a chance to practice much over the last few months. But it was still a blast.

The next morning, the family and I were on a plane to Krabi to go to Railay Beach. It’s a stunningly beautiful place. Once we got off the plane, we were immediately greated at the baggage claim area by the van driver for the resort we booked. It was a little over a half hour drive, where we transferred to a tuk-tuk to bring us to the pier, where a longboat was waiting for us. We were all beside ourselves when we got on the boat. The views were stunning. I put some photos up of the trip in the Photo section of the website. Head over there if you like to get a glimpse. We got off the boat and were right by reception. We checked in and went straight to our room, mear feet from the front desk. And just feet from our room was one of three pools. We spent most of our time at the large pool on the other side of the resort, which is where the main resort beach was. There are gorgeous beaches tucked between amazing rock formations. The sand is soft, and the water is incredibly warm. I don’[t think I’ve ever felt ocean water as warm as that in my life. But having lived in the northeaster US my entire life, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I didn’t realize ocean water could be so warm.

We got some ice cream and walked to the public beach, about a ten minute walk away. Along the walk through the paved path, there were a bunch of monkeys hanging out. One of which swiped Henry’s ice cream cone! He got a piece, and then kept following us, trying to get the rest! Henry was a bit freaked out, but we had him move along quickly, and our distant cousine finally relented. The views from the public beach were beautiful, and to the side of the beach, there was a huge cave with shrines inside. Unfortunately, I don’t think I got a picture of that. I do hope to be back there and will try to get more pictures next time.

As for relaxing, not as much as I hoped. The boys are a lot to manage right now. They are constantly at each-other’s throats and Kate and I are always having to play referee. Complaints about food, feet hurting, etc… The typical behaviour for children of this age, I suppose. But I wan’t be sad when they are more mature and can go with the flow more.

We rented two kayaks one day. Miles and I went out together, and Henry and Kate went in the other. I was pretty proud of how well Miles did. We went out further that I was expecting we would . It was absolutely lovely having such an unobstructed view of both the ocean as well as our beach! Kate and Henry went out a lot further, and apparently, ended up paddling through a cave!

There is one main street that goes through town connecting one end of Railay to the other. There is some fabulous food there (Miles has discovered his new favorite food is chicken ramen, and I mean the good stuff), along with some cute little shops, and several rock climbing tour group companies.

Naturally, Henry did the rock climbing, and apparently thoroughly impressed the tour guides (Kate accompanied him while I stayed back at the pool with Miles).

The next day, we headed back to Bangkok.

Kate and I ordered a new bed to accommodate our soft American butts. IT’s a huge relief to have a bead that doesn’t feel like a kitchen table while laying down on it. We’re still acquiring all the little odds and ends we need here in the apartment, as we left so much behind in the States. But we’re getting there.

We put the boys in a camp at the school this week so we could have a little time to ourselves to do some shopping without the children acting as emotional anchors. It was glorious having some quite time without them.

Last night after camp, we decided to go see a movie at a nearby mall. We decided on Despicable Me 4, as it’s a good family movie appropriate for a seven year old. Little did we expect that Thailand doesn’t take the audience into much account when determining which trailers to place before the feature film.

We were all sitting there in our seats eating our popcorn when the trailers started. Deadpool & Woolverine. UNCENSORED. F bombs flying left and right, explosions, limbs getting severed. Even the message to turn off your cell phones was over the top! Kate and I were looking at each other trying to contain our laughter. It was hilarious. So lesson learned. Wait to go into the theater until just before the feature starts if bringing the kids.

Camp finished up today for the kids. Next week, we’re planning to go to the amusement park in the area as well as some sightseeing and checking out the local rock climbing gym.

Kate starts work on July 30, and the kids start school on August 13 with an orientation a few days earlier. It will be nice to finally get into a routine and fall into a day-to-day life. I’m looking forward to finally getting back to the gym and practicing my saxophone everyday again. Also, exploring the city on my own a bit and spend some time learning the language.

I’ll write a blog post soon with my thoughts on the culture as I’ve experienced it so far, and more observations. Everything is still so new and fresh, I’m gathering my thoughts on it all.

So for now, sawadee khap!

The Adventure Has Begun!

I had planned on writing sooner after our arrival, but as you can imagine, things have been busy! I’ll do my best to piece together our journey and first week here.

My previous blog post feels like a distant memory, although it’s been less than a week! The house came together, and as far as I know, our tenants have moved in. I suppose no news is good news as it concerns the property management company.

All of the stresses (for the most part) of back in the States have seemingly evaporated. It’s amazing how landing over here in Bangkok has alleviated so many concerns. There are only a few small loose-ends I know that need to be taken care of. For the most part, we’re looking forward to what our lives will be like here.

So here’s a brief recap: Our amazing friends Gina, Jody and Lauren showed up at 7am to our hotel on June 30 to caravan Kate, Henry, Miles and me, and all of our luggage to the airport. Gina even brought bagels and donuts!

We got to the airport with time to check in, drop off our checked luggage, get to the gate and relax. Twelve hours to Doha. The Doha airport is amazing. Ultra modern, tons of great shopping and food. Too bad we only had 45 minutes until boarding for our second leg to Bangkok! Thankfully, Doha doesn’t make you go through security again during your transfer like we had to do during our trip in March flying through Seoul.

We landed in Bangkok around 7:30PM local time. Immigration went incredibly smooth, and by the time we got to the luggage carousel, all our bags appeared right in front of us. As I was pulling our bags off of the carousel, an airport attendant showed up and helped gather everything and cart it all upstairs to the ground transportation area. As soon as we got upstairs, we immediately saw the car service person holding the sign with our name on it! It was uncanny how smooth this trip was. The boys were great and handled it like seasoned travelers. They both slept for nearly the whole second leg of 7 hours.

(Just a quick sidebar to talk about two of the pleasantries I noticed in Bangkok at the airport.

- Luggage carts are FREE!!!! And plentiful! It costs $6 for a single luggage cart at Dulles! But it’s America, the land of monetizing absolutely everything.

- As mentioned above, the second I started pulling our suitcases off of the luggage carousel, and attendant sprung into action to help. With a smile on his face! After we got everything to the van, I gave him a tip, which he seemed to be extremely appreciative of.

I don’t want to bash the USA, or sound like I hate it or anything like that, but witnessing these two simple things is stark. Sometimes, the small things that make people’s lives easier don’t have to come with a cost or be viewed as a profit opportunity.)

We were picked up in a large, super comfortable van that fit all of our luggage and us and whisked us away. It took about 45 minutes to get to our apartment, which we were anxious to see!

Once we arrived, we were immediately greeted by the building staff, who got all of our luggage for us. Kate got the card keys for our apartment, and we hopped in the elevator with great anticipation.

We opened the doors, and our expectations (which we didn’t really have any of) were far surpassed. We have been provided with a huge three bedroom apartment on the eighth floor of a lovely building in the Rama II section of Bangkok, which is southwest of the river (which I’m still learning what that means). There are fabulous views from nearly every room in the apartment. The boys have large bedrooms, and they also each have their own bathroom! We have a lovely little kitchen area with really good counter space, and an oven, which apparently, is a rarity in Bangkok, as people seldom cook as good food is so readily available, and insanely affordable. There is even a little nook in our bedroom that is perfect keeping my saxophones! The walls are super thick, so we never hear neighbors, so I have no concerns about bothering anyone while practicing. And to top it off, we have a rooftop pool one floor above us. A couple days ago, Kate took the boys up to the pool, and I stayed in the apartment to play my saxophones (which I hadn’t been able to do in about a month), and Miles told me he could hear my saxophone while he was swimming underwater! That’s pretty hilarious!

The picture accompanying this post is the view from our living room. The large grey building on the right side is the night market. Not visible in the picture, to the right of the night market, is the day market. As you can imagine, there is no shortage of delicious food literally right outside our doorstep. Also in the picture is a pizza spot, with surprisingly good pizza, albeit rather expensive. (Not a worry as I have an oven, and have ordered all the necessary accoutrements to resume my pizza making.) There’s also a bubble tea place, and a coffee shop. So naturally, once we got into our apartment around 9:30 PM, the first food we ordered was… McDonalds. Yeah, yeah. Get over it. We were exhausted having traveled for over 24 hours and needed to shove food down the boys gullets that they would eat. After the adrenaline wore off, we all finally got into bed around 1 AM. Phew!

Day one consisted of heading to the day market to get some waffles and then we walked up to Central Rama II, the massive shopping mall just a short walk from our apartment, just up the road from the school Kate will be working at and the boys attending. We started to buy all the different things we need for the apartment. Then, we walked over to the school as Kate had a meeting, and I got to finally pick up my soprano and tenor saxophones, which I brought over in March to save space for our move. This turned out to be a very wise decision. Oh, how I missed them, though! Once I got my saxophones back, the boys and I walked back to the apartment to drop everything off while Kate had her meeting. We then went back to the mall to get dinner and get some groceries in the huge grocery store in the basement of the mall. According to my watch, I logged about 15K steps that day.

The next couple of days were spent in the mall and a few other stores in the area stocking up on necessary supplies and groceries. I also ordered a new mattress for Kate and me. I have been made abundantly aware that Thais prefer much firmer mattresses. This is one of those things my pampered, soft American ass can’t deal with very well.

Today, we finally went on a mini adventure. We walked about 15 minutes to the RTS train stop (which is the commuter line), and took it to the end of the line up at Wongwian Yai, which is northeast of where we live. We walked around for a few minutes, and then took a Grab (Thailand equivalent of Uber) back to our apartment. It’s hot here, so the boys don’t last very long on walks.

We got home, ate some lunch, and went straight for the pool. Now I’m sitting comfortably on our couch writing this!

Tomorrow, I’m planning on getting into the more central part of Bangkok to go to the Jazz jam session at a spot called Queen Bee. I just connected to some local musicians here that I’m excited to meet and hopefully start getting into the music scene here!

So what are my impressions and thoughts so far? We have a great enclave here with everything we need within walking distance. There are a lot of people here! It’s very densely populated. But the people are incredibly nice, helpful and patient as we try to learn even just basic language other than “Hello” and “thank you.” People genuinely seem like they want to help. It feels like people move slower here, not in a hurry, but that could just be because I’m not in a hurry so I’m not part of the hustle and bustle. It could also be because it’s so hot here, and people just don’t want to expend that much energy, which I fully support.

Motorcycles and scooters weave in and out of traffic like a well choreographed dance. There is hardly anyone ever honking their horns. Drivers generally seem to be patient with each other and let other cars merge and don’t get mad if someone seamingly cuts them off. It’s just an underlying level of relaxation and understanding that is sorely missing in America (at least the places I’ve lived). I was definitely turning into one of those people I hate. I’m hoping being here re-centers me.

I’m desperate to learn at least a cursory amount of the language. It’s a very musical language. Tone and inflection are a huge part of it. Being able to have even basic conversations with people will be liberating. Thankfully we have the benefit of modern technology.

I honestly don’t know what I would have done if we didn’t have the tech resources that we have now. Between Google translate and the photo translator app on my phone, I can generally navigate most things I need to. Not least of which are the menus at the markets! If I have a question I need to ask, I just speak into the Translator app, and show my phone to the person I’m talking with. They reply right back, and all works out.

Modern technology also shrinks the world. The ease with which we’re able to talk to friends and family is astounding. And all for free. Henry has been having video calls already with one of his friends back in Virginia!

So tonight, we’re heading over to a well known night market to grab dinner and explore. Tomorrow promises to be a relaxing day with me going to the jam session, and then on Monday, we fly down to Krabi, which is close to Phuket, for a short vacation at Railay Beach, which a few friends have recommended. I’m looking forward to relaxing by the beach. This will hopefully be a great chance to FINALLY decompress after the last several months. But honestly, just being here has been a form of decompression.

Once we get back, we’re hoping to get to the other side of the river, and explore more. It’s a massive city, and I’m excited to familiarize myself with it.

Kate, while officially now employed with the school, doesn’t start going in until the very end of July, and then the boys start school in mid-August. At that point, I can start figuring out my life and what direction I want to take. I’m most excited about getting back into music, as well as getting back to the gym and getting healthy again. Then, I can start contemplating what type of work I want to do to contribute financially to the family again. Sax lessons? Teaching English? Some sort of remote work? It’s all on the table. But for now, I’m burnt out on accounting and am looking forward to trying my hand at something else. I’m certainly not closing the door to getting back to it in the future, but for now, I’m happy to take a break from it.

With that, I’m signing off for now. I’ll be taking my camera out with me soon and will hopefully have some good quality shots to post here soon. Much more to come, as the adventure has begun!

Locked and Loaded

Down to the wire. Our suitcases are packed. One final full day left in the States before we embark on our new life. So many thoughts are going through my head. With everything that has needed to get done up until the last minute, I still haven’t had a spare moment to fully process what we’re about to jump into.

The last two weeks, like the two weeks prior, were absolutely insane. While we moved into a hotel two weeks ago, it wasn’t really goodbye to the house. I have been back nearly everyday to check in on the contractors to make sure they were staying on schedule and to point out any issues that needed to be corrected. As of this morning, there were only a few small items they needed to finish up. But the good news is we passed the inspection from the property management company. The new tenants can move in on Monday to a house in far better condition than at any point of our time living in it.

It’s amazing how we often put off making improvements while living somewhere only to make it nicer for someone else, whether it be renters or buyers if you’re selling it.

This has been the largest item hanging over my head for the last two weeks. but it’s done. Thank god it’s done.

If there was anything left, I wouldn’t be able to make it back to the house tomorrow if I wanted. We returned both of our cars to the dealerships this week, and had a rental from Wednesday and returned earlier today. We are stranded at the hotel until Sunday morning. One final day finally relax, reflect, and talk to family and friends to say our state-side goodbyes.

Sunday morning, a few of Kate’s close friends have selflessly offered to caravan us out to Dulles for our 11AM flight.

It is really hitting me today, as I finally had a few moments to relax, just how much I’m going to miss our friends. Especially our neighbors. I mentioned in my last blog entry how much I loved our house. But it’s the neighborhood and friends we’ve made that made it such a special place. There was a row of about 5 houses where all of our families became very close over the years. The pandemic really solidified it. We had regular BBQ’s and would often gather at one of our neighbors backyard around their firepits. We’d put our kids to bed, then head over, often in the dead of winter bundled up in our heavy coats and blankets, chatting until the wee hours of the night. We are all roughly the same age, have kids all within the same age, and are experiencing, seemingly, very similar things. Jen, Travis, Jen, Chris, Kelly, Nate, John and Franni, you guys are the best neighbors, and we’ll miss you more than you could possibly know. If any of us ever needed something, we could always count on eachother. We have a group text chain going that is always good fun.

As I lay here in before I turn the lights off for the night, my head is spinning. The cover photo for this entry is seven of our eight suitcases ready to go. One last suitcase will be finished tomorrow along with our carry-on and personal items. Mine are my camera bag and alto saxophone. Not exactly helpful to carrying stuff, but I need to get this stuff over there safely. Our entire lives are in these suitcases. We managed to condense our whole lives into eight suitcases. It’s crazy.

The other thought going through my head is the state of the country and how consequential the next few months will be, and the fact that I won’t be here for it. I have to admit, I’m relieved we’re getting out now. This week, from my standpoint, has been one of the worst weeks I can remember, between the situation with the presidential election and the SCOTUS decisions that have been released. I’m absolutely distraught at where the country is heading. There is so much potential, and a lot of bright spots to grab onto. But the forces trying to undo all the good work (from my standpoint) are doing everything they can to tear it all down. I’m heartbroken about how things are right now. I fear for my friends and especially their kids.

One of the first things we plan to do when we arrive is get to the embassy to register, a well as register for our absentee ballots.

In just over a week, we’ll be lying on the beach in Krabi, decompressing, and enjoying a brief well deserved vacation. Hopefully, all of this stress experienced over the last few months will fade into the beautiful blue waters.

Deep Breath…

Wow.

Just. Wow.

The last month, and especially the last two weeks, have been non-stop. It has been a mad dash to get the house empty.

Here’s a brief recap:

• We had to get a significant amount of stuff out of the house to make it presentable for renters. Done.

• Decide on a date to list the property so renters could look at it. Done.

• Schedule movers to get the remainder of our crap into storage. Done

• Schedule the date for our contractors to come in and replace carpets, paint, and other things. Done.

• Apply for and procure visas for the whole family. Done.

• Update music instrument insurance to a company that offers international plans. Done.

• Schedule inspections and return dates of our leased cars. Done.

• Boys finish school year and have them home for the last four days before we have to move, so having to entertain them while packing. Done.

About two weeks ago, we made a mad dash to get the house ready for showings. This meant keeping the house in a constant presentable state, which in turn, delayed our ability to continue digging out closets, deciding what get sold, donated, trashed, or is coming with us overseas. (Just a reminder, we’re not shipping anything. It either comes on the plane with us, or it stays behind.)

We decided to give have property management company require only a one hour notice to show the house if they had anyone interested in viewing it. This meant we would have to do some tidying-up at the drop of a hat sometimes. We’d also need to vacate the premises as we aren’t supposed to be around during viewings.

Not surprising, within a week, we had two applications to choose from at our desired rent. We secured a tenant within a week of the property being listed! Major obstacle resolved! Woohoo!

This was a week ago.

As we scheduled things out, we decided that the best way forward was to move into a hotel (which is where I’m tyiping this from) on June 16, with the house fully emptied, save for a few large items, so our contractors could start the work on Monday the 17th. The contractors will be disposing of these last few items, such as old Ikea dressers that are of no major value, sentimental or monetary. It was up to us to have everything else out.

The amount of effort Kate and I have been putting into the last steps has been Herculean.

I’m thinking back nine years to when we moved down here from New Rochelle. Moving is fucking hard. Especially when you have accumulated so much stuff. Having to completely evaluate every single item in your possession is on a whole other level than moving into a new house, where you can just transport everything from one place to another.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll keep reiterating it over and over again. It’s amazing how much crap we (collectively) accumulate and place sentimental value to that adds no real value to our lives.

We’ve essentially consolidated our whole lives into 8 suitcases and a set of golf clubs, some carry-on bags and my saxophones.

The apartment we’re moving into in Bangkok will be furnished. This is all we need! Clothes and a few other select items that each of us deemed worthy to join us on this journey.

The movers came today, moving two mattresses, some kitchen items, some artwork, and a shelf that I’ve had my whole life that used to belong to my mother when she was a child, and some AV equipment.

We said goodbye to our house. Our wonderful house. I love this house. I’m going to miss this house. It’s been home to us for nine fabulous years, and welcomed Miles home seven years ago when he was born. It was absolutely perfect for what we needed. A modest three bedroom townhouse in Vienna, VA. The kitchen has so much useable counter space, which is invaluable for a baker and pizza maker such as myself. We set up an 82 inch TV with surround sound in our large finished basement for movies and sports viewing.

And (selfishly) my music room. In the basement is a bonus room. When we first saw this house when we were hunting, I envisioned this room as my fortress of solitude. And that is exactly what it became. I did a ton of research on soundproofing. I gutted the room down to the studs. I installed resilient channel to de-couple the walls from the structure of the house, then I installed two layers of 5/8” dry wall using green glue between each sheet, on all walls and ceiling. I had help from a friend to do the ceiling, and my brother-in-law helped hang some of the walls, But I did most of the walls all by myself. It was an amazing experience. And it worked! I had a drum kit in that room. I could practice at midnight, and the upstairs couldn’t hear anything. There was no risk of waking up my kids while I practiced at night.

I’ve since sold my drums to a good friend for his daughter. I’m so happy they are going to someone that will really appreciate them and use them. I’ll certainly miss them.

This house was also our solitude and salvation during the pandemic. I made my first sourdough started and really learned a ton about baking. I spent so many hours locked away with my family. I know some people had really difficult times during the pandemic. I know some people lost their relationships. For me, it further cemented my love for my family and reaffirmed my appreciation for them. Especially my wife. We’re the lucky ones. It’s easy. We work together as a team. We’re on the same page with nearly everything. She gets me in ways nobody else ever has. Thirteen years in, nothing has changed in my love for her for the exception that it has only grown.

When this opportunity presented iteslf to take a massive leap of faith, it was a no brainer. These last few weeks, and really, months, have been HARD getting ready. But we’ve worked together and gotten through it together. The hardest part is done now that we’re in the hotel.

Two weeks from today and we’ll be on that plane. And then we can breath…

T-Minus 30 Days

Thirty days to go! June 30 is rapidly approaching! At the risk of jinxing anything, things are going smoother than I could have ever hoped. We have procured visas for the whole family. We got the house presentable for showing, and it appears that we have secured a tenant for a July 1 lease start date. We have our movers scheduled to come in on June 16 (father’s day, so not much relaxation or pampering that day) to move the remaining large items into our storage unit and remove our old upright piano. We have a three bedroom hotel suite secured for June 16 through June 30, so we can be out of the house in time for our renovations to start, which commence on June 17. New carpets, getting the whole house painted top to bottom, and any other small updates needed.

The last things to consider are when to return our leased cars. The timing of our leases could not have worked out better. They both ended in May, and we were easily able to extend a month.

It’s really crazy to me how so much is falling nicely into place. We still have things in closets and drawers we need to either put into storage or get rid of. We also have a vintage dining room table and Ikea loveseat and ottoman we’re trying to sell. Those are the last few items that are on my mind. I’d really love to sell the table and chairs, but those items seem to be the harder to sell. It would be nice to get at least something for these. I’m not sure the table would fit in our storage unit at this point.

With the house so empty, and a tenant now lined up, I can start to step back and think a bit more about the reality we are about to enter. It’s been a ton of work getting everything together, but I’m so grateful we started doing all of this months ago. I’m really proud of how my wife and I have made this whole process as stress-free as it could possibly be.

The boys have a week and a half left of school. Miles’ birthday is coming up. We’ll start saying our goodbyes to our neighborhood friends and see other folks as we are able before we leave. Time is going by incredibly fast, but we’re in a great spot.

Now we just need to see exactly how many suitcases we’ll need as we decided not to ship anything. It’ll be tight, but I think we’ll be OK.

Stuff

Nostalgia is fully kicking in.

We’ve decided to rent a storage unit for at least the duration of Kate’s three year contract for Bangkok. We’ve put some larger furniture items in there that we may want to hold onto if we decide to come back state-side after three years. If we stay overseas, we’ll re-evaluate at that time.

In addition to the larger items are all of the keepsakes and mementos from my life. One of the hardest parts of this process is going through all of these things realizing how much life I’ve lived and trying to sit with those memories for a little while. There is so much random stuff, but it all has meaning to me. And that’s the crux of this whole thing. It’s just stuff. We place so much meaning on stuff.

I have my dad’s calendar he kept that has things scheduled out past the day he died back in 1994. That hits pretty hard. I have the soccer rosters and stats he meticulously kept from the time he coached my youth travel team.

I have my Section V championship patch from Senior Year when I was the starting left fullback on the varsity soccer team and my varsity letter. I have some newspaper clippings and a pamphlet that was put together commemorating the championship.

I have videotapes as well. VHS tapes of the video yearbook from my senior year. I also have the VHS of my Berklee Senior Recital. I’d love to get it converted to digital, but uncertain where or how to do so, especially with so little time before we leave.

Then there are the cassette tapes and minidiscs of countless jam sessions at Berklee as well as gigs I played in New York City with my group. Gigs from the long-gone Detour, which was a great spot in the East Village that hosted some amazing musicians on a regular basis. I was fortunate enough to be able to play there pretty regularly. Some of them are also from Cornelia Street Cafe, another long-gone venue from the West Village, which, for me, was most notable as the place I could see George Garzone whenever he performed in NYC. Most of the minidiscs are unlabeled, unfortunately, so I wouldn’t know exactly when they were recorded or who was at the jam session. I’d love to go back and listen to it all again, but who has time for that? I don’t have time to spend countless hours traveling back in time. A large part of what hits me is regret. Regret I didn’t practice harder or have a bigger drive to pursue music. I put in time, but not like my classmates that are now household names in the jazz community. At the same time, I’d love to hear what I sounded like back then, just out of curiosity.

The most notable item I have, from a personal standpoint, is a recording of a jam session I had the summer after Senior Year of high school in the basement of my friend Sol Shaftel with Jon Gala. Sol would usually play drums and Jon and I would switch off between guitar and bass. My good friend Josh Lawler was our drummer in high school and Sol would play bass, but I think Josh was traveling at the time, which is why he wasn’t around for this. These were just fun times doing our best Jimi Hendrix impressions on guitar. I’d love to hear this tape again, but I have no idea where to find a cassette player at this day and age.

Now I step back, take a breath, and reawaken to my current life. Everything in these boxes has lead me to this moment, about to take a huge leap with my amazing wife and our two boys. These boxes are memories. Fragments of where I come from.

Now it’s time to make some new memories.

We’re On the Clock!

Hi everyone. It’s been a little more than a month since my last entry, and the time is flying by. I wrapped up my job at Malala Fund, and my days are a largely open, but they go faster than I would prefer. It’s really amazing how quickly days go by when you don’t have a specific job you do day in and day out. Oh, how the days are going by! We are wheels up on June 30!

We rented a storage unit, which we have already done a nice job of filling up. Our house is starting to finally show signs of us removing things. We’ve moved some larger furniture items already as well as some chairs, and keepsakes. We’ve decided a relatively small monthly fee is worth it for three years at which point we’ll know if we’re coming back to the states or stay abroad in either Bangkok or elsewhere.

We’ve decided against shipping anything for the move. There are too many uncertainties with shipping, and we want to go over with as little as possible. If there’s anything we desperately need, we can easily obtain it in Bangkok. We’re a little bummed we won’t be bringing any artwork over this time, but we think it’s for the best. We’ll find other ways of decorating the walls. Maybe this will be the inspiration I need to finally get going with some photography that I can print and hang on the walls.

We’re in a strange vortex right now of needing to hurry up and get things done, but also knowing we need certain necessities still here at the house for as long as possible. We’ve done an admirable job of being far less discriminating with our crap and have donated a TON of stuff. Every day is a new realization at just how much useless crap we accumulate over the years. Some random thing gets purchased, used once, then thrown into a drawer not to be seen again until it’s time to purge. I really hope this sets up a new lifestyle going forward of, while not necessary minimalist, something adjacent to it. If and when we do finally settle again in a long term situation, I anticipate we’ll be far more choosy about what we bring into our home.

I spent the weekend emptying out my dresser and closet. I’m donating 75% of the clothes I own. The remaining clothes I’m keeping will likely not fill an entire large suitcase! That just means I won’t have to pay an extra bag fee for my golf clubs. Or my guitar. Hehe.

Kate and I also dismantled the bunkbeds we had in each boy’s room. It’s astonishing how much space those damn things take up. The house looks so much bigger now without the beds and other items we’ve put into storage.

I finished completely emptying the attic a few weeks ago, and am nearly done emptying our laundry/utility room of all the junk that was there. I’m pretty proud of those two feets. Those were intimidating, but it’s done now. All that’s left is bringing a bunch of paint and chemicals to the dump.

The kitchen is what intimidates me at this point. We won’t be bringing our pots and pans, or my nice kitchen knives. We’ll put them in storage for now. But we cook pretty frequently, so it’s tough deciding what we’re getting rid of or storing.

Timing everything right now is the largest stressor. We need to figure out when to finish emptying out the place. We could do it pretty quickly, but don’t want to be left without some necessary items prior to leaving. We need to schedule our contractor to come in, though, to paint the interior of our house as well as change the carpets. And we need to do all of this with enough time to get the place on the market and rented out. I really want it rented by July 1, but not sure if that’s going to be feasible with our schedule.

We’re likely to stay in a hotel the week before we move to make sure the contractors have time to get it ready, the property management company time to find a tenant, and get it rented. As much as I’ll miss my own bed, that last week should be somewhat relaxing. We’ll be fully out of the house and the work of emptying it will have been done. We’ll be fully packed. All that will be left is to pass the time until we board the plane, while the rest of the work will be in other people’s hands (which I have a really difficult time with. Our contractor is great, but I’ve learned through past experiences that I need to be involved to make sure everything is going as it should and on time.)

I’ll be talking to the property management company tomorrow to get their thoughts on showing the place prior to it being ready, in the hopes of securing a tenant. Fingers crossed!

Also on my mind is finishing up the paperwork items. I’ll be spending this week working on the visa application. I think I’ve compiled all the necessary paperwork. Now it’s just a matter of filing it online. Hopefully I’ll have everything wrapped up in a nice bow for Kate, and all she’ll have to do is sign the documentation to submit it.

It’s getting close, but still seems so far away…

Farewell Bangkok, Jet Lag, and Go Time

We got back from our trip to Bangkok yesterday (Easter Sunday) around 4:00 in the afternoon after about 30 hours of travel from the time we got picked up from our hotel. We managed to keep ourselves up until 8:00 to try to get adjusted as quickly as possible. Jet lag is no joke. I’ve been in a fog all day and absolutely exhausted. Kate and I managed to get a few things done, and I got through my work emails this morning. Our boys were mostly back to normal, which means they’re bouncing around the house while I’m in no state to actively parent, so that’s fun. 24 hour travel days are no joke, and our boys were absolute troopers and handled it beautifully. I’m really proud with how they managed. Miles slept for a large part of it. Henry also slept for a lot of it. I probably got a total of 5 hours of poor sleep. Kate got about the same.

As for the rest of our trip, on Thursday night, we went out to dinner in the city with several of Kate’s colleagues, which was great. It was a lot of fun chatting with them and gaining a lot of really valuable info. Kate will be working with a great group of people, and it looks like we will already have a good social life.

I didn’t get a chance to check out any of the music scene yet, but after doing some research, I’ve already discovered where some good music is happening. I can’t wait to jump in!

On Friday, I took the boys to a fun waterpark on the roof of another massive mall. Poor Miles was only tall enough to ride on only one of the large slides. He is only about an inch away from free reign. Once he’s tall enough, it’ll be a great place to take the boys for a cheap and fun day.

On Saturday, we got breakfast by the pool and then packed. A little later we went to the mall to let the boys play at the arcade and then did some shopping. We got back to the room, ordered dinner, and then went to the airport for our long journey home.

By the time we left, I was already feeling more comfortable being there and adjusting a bit. The language barrier is definitely going to be the biggest obstacle from what I can gather so far. I downloaded the Pimsleur Institute app for my phone, and will start spending time each day trying to at least gain a cursory knowledge of the language. For a bit of fortuitous timing, my cell phone just rolled out a major update that includes a lot of translation functions. The camera app has a built in translator for writing, which proved super helpful already. This will come in especially helpful at the day and night markets across the street from our apartment.

On the drive to the airport, as I was looking out the window of the car, I was astonished at just how big Bangkok is. It’s an absolutley enormous city. It took us almost an hour and a half to get from our hotel to the airport, and there were huge skyscrapers nearly the entire way there. NYC is big if you include all of the boroughs, but this seemed significantly larger. I was probably too tired when we arrived to notice on the car ride from the airport to the hotel, and similarly too occupied talking to other people or my kids when we went into the city during the week.

So now we’re back home, recovering from the long travel. We have about three months until we depart for our new lives on the other side of the world. I now have a clearer picture of what to expect. And with that, the pressure is on! We have probably two months to completely empty our house and get it rented. I wrap up my contract job at Malala Fund next Friday, and then it’s down to business. I’ll be selling as much of our stuff as I can, getting a storage unit for things we’re holding on to, and will donate or dispose of everything else. We’ve done a decent job over the last several months of beginning the purge, but looking around it feels like we’ve only scratched the surface. I have faith in us getting it done, though. Knowing I won’t be working and can completely dedicate my time to getting us packed is a comfort. I’ll be posting a lot of stuff up on Facebook Marketplace, so if anyone sees anything of interest, let me know!

Until next time, wish us luck!

Initial thoughts on Bangkok and Trip Recap

The trip is flying by. It’s been a challenge to explore Bangkok to the extent that I want as Kate has been working this week, and I’ve been watching the kids during the day.

On Sunday before her work week started, the family made a trip to the Grand Palace. Based on what I’ve read, this used to the be residence of the royal family from the late 18th century to around 1925. It’s a massive complex with a mix of business relate buildings and temples and shrines. It is an incredible place with fabulously intricately designed buildings ordained in gold and mosaics. Check the photos page for a few pictures I took. We were allowed into only one temple which didn’t allow photography. Inside was an absolutely beautiful buddha shrine. I would have enjoyed spending more time there, but it was oppressively hot and we were required to wear long pants inside the grounds.

On Monday, the boys and I took a tour of BASIS International School Bangkok, which is the school my wife will be working at and our boys will be attending. It’s like a miniature college campus! A truly phenomenal facility with world class teachers. We’re so excited our boys will be attending here for the next three years!

All of the classrooms are state-of-the-art. They have the most beautiful covered outdoor swimming pool, where all students are required to take swim lessons once a week. The indoor gymnasium is enormous with two full-sized basketball courts. There is a lovely covered playground, and a HUGE wide open sports field. To top things off, there is a Thai cultural center where all students take Thai culture classes and learn some of the language.

The tour took about a half hour, and afterwards, we went to the nearest rock climbing gym. For those of you that don’t know, my older son, Henry, has been very involved in rock climbing for the last couple years. He belongs to a rock climbing team in Northern VA, and is very excited we have a gym relatively close to where we’ll be living. We’re hoping to work with this climbing gym to start a school climbing team.

It’s a really nice gym with plenty of ropes walls as well as a nice outdoor bouldering wall with many routs for varying skill levels. However, the gym doesn’t have very effective air conditioning, so it gets HOT in there. We’ll be looking to climb at night once we move here.

On Tuesday, the boys were able to attend a full school day at BASIS and shadow their respective classes, and I was left to my own devices for much of the day. I did have a very informative meeting with some of the folks at BASIS to gather info on the logistics of living here, which was very helpful.

I spent most of the rest of the day walking around the shopping area, checking out the mall more thoroughly as well as some other shops in the area. I logged nearly 20K steps that day! But still not much of an opportunity get into the central part of the city. It looks like that is going to have to wait until we move.

On Wednesday, I took the boys to the indoor playgrounds at the mall, where they spent most of the day, and then we met up with Kate after she finished her work day. The boys are showing a bit more willingness already to try some of the food here, so I’m feeling a bit better about that.

Today was a pool and tablet day. I needed a chance to slow down a little and let the boys fend for themselves a bit. We went out with some of Kate’s colleagues in the more central part of Bangkok, which was lovely. It was great to have an opportunity to talk to others that have been here for a while and gain a little bit of knowledge from them. They are also a really great group of people. It brings me comfort to know Kate and the boys will be surrounded by them.

Bangkok is a really interesting place. I haven’t had much opportunity to really explore yet, but from the places we’ve driven around, it’s this fascinating combination of absolute first world glitz and luxury with developing world abject poverty smack in the middle of it all. There are these tall, beautiful modern sky scrapers, with corrugated tin-roofed shanties filling the blocks between them.

I lived in NYC for 17 years and witnessed both the highest levels of opulence along with the not-so-nice parts of the South Bronx or Bed Stuy prior to gentrification. NYC was always largely sectioned off between the rich and not-so-rich. Bangkok doesn’t seem to have those delineations.

Traffic patterns are definitely different than what I’m used to. They drive on the left side of the road with the driver-side on the right side of the car. Out where we’ll be living, there are not a lot of traffic lights or stop signs. They have some blinking signs that seem to be more of a suggestion than an actual traffic device. It appears to be more of an honor system of taking turns. Where there are traffic lights, however, most have countdown timers, which is nice. But the timers are LONG. We’re talking some lights having four minute countdowns between light changes. Bangkok streets are would not be the place for the impatient.

There are buddhist shrines on nearly every street. On the way to dinner tonight, we drove by an outdoor enclosed area where it appeared there were evening prayers, which was really cool.

We have one full day left tomorrow, and we fly back on Saturday with a midnight flight to Seoul. I hope to take the boys to a waterpark tomorrow during the day. There are a handful within close proximity, but the really great ones look like they’re about two hours away from us. Once we move, I’ll be sure to get the boys out to them. I’ll have a tough decision on whether I get a Thai drivers license. It may be a good idea to get a license so I can rent a car for these day trips rather than using Grab for all car rides, which is what we plan on doing for at least the first year.

I’m learning a lot so far, but still have a ton of questions. I’m glad we were able to make this trip so I could see first-hand what we’re getting involved in. As I meet more people and get to see more of the city, I’m getting more comfortable with the thought of living here. It’s still tremendously scary and feels like a huge leap of faith, but we seem to have a lot of people here to support us and ease our transition.

Welcome to Bangkok!

Here we are! Kate’s third trip, but the boys’ and my first trip. From the time we left our house to the time we got to the apartment we’re staying at, it was about 30 hours of travel. Overall, the boys were champs. 15 hour flights are not easy. We flew from South Korea for a 6 hour flight to Bangkok. A slight mishap with the ground transportation when we arrived only resulted in a short delay in getting to the apartment.

The food on the flights was not bad, but the boys had little interest in Korean style beef. That was the kid’s option on the Korea to Bangkok leg. We’re not in the USA anymore! On the first leg, they did have pizza and french fries for the boys, though, so that was good. My wife and I had bibimbap, which was surprisingly good for airplane food.

We got to the apartment we’re staying in around 3:30am Bangkok time. We got the boys in their pajamas, and we were all asleep within 20 minutes of arriving. We were all spent, but in really good shape, considering.

Day one: we all woke up just shy of noon. Kate ran out to get some breakfast from the place just outside. Milkland - yummy bread with different toppings and some shakes.

After breakfast, we went to the rooftop pool and swam for about an hour in the infinity pool. Really beautiful view of the city from here.

After that, we all got showered off, and walked around the area. We’re southwest of the river, so we’re in the ‘burbs of Bangkok. But it’s still bustling with activity. Directly outside our building is a day market and night market. The day market was closed by the time we got outside, and the night market was just getting set up. So much good food there! I can’t wait to try it all! A five minute walk up the road took us to BASIS International School Bangkok, where my wife will be working and our boys will be going to school next year. We continued past the school to Central Rama 2 shopping center.

Central Rama 2 is a MASSIVE shopping mall. When we first walked in, we were surrounded by countless restaurants, each one looking more delicious than the last. I didn’t actually count, but I think there are 5 floors to this mall. Each floor has at least a half dozen restaurants, and each floor seemed to have a theme of the types of stores. There were housegoods stores, technology stores, car dealers, toys, clothes, shoes, etc… And food, food food. The basement has a grocery store that has anything you could think of. There won’t be an issue getting food the boys will eat, thankfully. But we’re still going to do our best to introduce them to the local cuisine.

We got the boys KFC, and Kate and I went to a ramen place. It was absolutely delicious. I can’t tell if I’m going to get fat from eating so much, or lose weight from walking so much.

After day one, my first impressions are that the people here are lovely! Everyone we’ve come across is really nice. Nobody is in a hurry! Everyone takes their time, and just walks a few steps slower than what I’m used to in the States. It is very relaxing.

This is the first time in my life I’ve been the outside, though. It’s a new experience being the one that doesn’t speak the language. Not being able to read signs is daunting. Most people seem to have at least a small working knowledge of English, and they all seem to make an effort to help. Whenever I say “hello” or “thank you” in Thai (presently the only things I know how to say along with “not spicy”), the people’s faces light up and seem so appreciative. I hope to spend my time before we move learning at least a little of the language.

Oh, and the toilets. Every toilet has a butt wash or bidet. I quickly came to the realization Americans are savages. How does every toilet not have either a bidet or butt wash attached to it?

Now that we’re here, and I’m considering the fact my wife and boys will be in school during the day, and I’ll be here by myself, I wonder how I’ll spend my time. I’m probably most nervous at this point of being an island. Not knowing anyone back home is OK because I speak the language and can at least have a conversation with a stranger at a store if I have questions about something or need help with anything. I know there is a vast ex-pat community, so I’ll certainly be looking into finding those folks.

I’ll also be looking for the jazz scene here. After a cursory google search, there are a bunch of clubs, and they aren’t prohibitively far from where we’ll be living.

I’m definitely anxious about finding my place here. That’s the most stressful part of the process now that we’re here for our first visit. I also need to remind myself that this first week I’ll be watching over the boys as Kate will be working, so I don’t have time to go off on my own and explore the things I need to so I can acclimate and figure my path while we’re here.

The only time in my life I can relate this feeling to is getting to college. The sense of unfamiliarity and not knowing anyone. Starting completely with a clean slate, but with the added challenge of not knowing the language, people or customs. I remind myself college turned out great, and I made some of my best friends through it. I am optimistic this chapter will lead to the same things.

And so it begins!

This is a huge week! We fly out to Bangkok on Thursday for our pre-move trip. This will be only my second time overseas. My first was a trip to Ethiopia when I was working at charity: water back in January 2013. This will also be our kids’ first international trip, not that it’s a common thing for young kids to travel overseas.

My older son, Henry, says, “I can’t believe I’m already 11 years old and have never left the country!” I try to explain to him it’s a VERY small segment of the population that is fortunate enough to have the means to travel internationally. It’s by far the exception. My younger son, Miles, recently watched the Bangkok episode of “Somebody feed Phil” on Netflix, and is excited to go because he now thinks Thailand has the best food in the world. Although he would eat nearly anything we put in front of him when he was a toddler, he has become exceedingly picky over the last few years. Henry has always been a picky eater. Despite both boys’ excitement yet blissful ignorance, as Henry is only 11 and Miles only 6, I’m a tad nervous about how they will deal with the enormous change in culinary styles they are about the encounter.

My wife is about to embark on her third trip to Bangkok since she accepted the job. She got COVID on the return trips on the first two. Here’s hoping this trip is… less eventful for her.

We’ll be in the ‘burbs of Bangkok, southwest of the river (which presently means very little to me). I’ve been told east of the river is where the action is. We’re going to apparently have everything we need right at our doorstep. Outside of the apartment we’ll be living in there is a shopping center, a beautiful fitness facility, the hospital, morning and night outdoor markets (YAY!!!), and to top it off, a rooftop pool in the building. Also, we’ll be a five minute walk from the school my wife will be working at and boys will be attending.

The boys will spend a day next week shadowing the classes with their to-be cohorts, while my wife will be on the clock working. I’ll be chatting with their HR department trying to get info and answers of visa questions, health insurance questions, living arrangement questions, etc… So much information to gather!

On the other days, I’ll be taking the boys on various adventures around Bangkok while Kate is working. We’re planning on going to an amusement park, taking a river tour, visiting the grand palace, seeing some museums, etc…

I have no idea what to expect of the travel and how the boys will do. They have done well in the couple of trips we’ve made in the last two years, but those were only 4 hour flights. 24 hours is a whole other beast. Hopefully they’ll be able to sleep on the plane. In any event, I’m anticipating two very tired, grumpy child-monsters at the end of it.

We’re going to start packing tomorrow (Sunday) to get as much ready as possible so we’re not scrambling at the last minute. We’re planning on bringing a bunch of stuff to keep there for two months to ease the burden of the actual move. We’re quite fortunate we’re able to do that. I will be bringing two of my three saxophones, which I will be reluctantly leaving there, so I have less I need to bring when we move in June. I figure, two months isn’t the end of the world. I’m just trying to figure out now how to manage the carry-on luggage situation as these will count towards our allotment. I’ll probably have Henry carry my Soprano as we board the plane.

I can’t wait to see exactly what we’re getting ourselves into. I’ve been so excited about this move for a year and a half since we made the decision to make the leap of faith, but I have absolutely no idea of what life will be like. It’s starting to set in that we’re completely uprooting our lives and embarking on a once in a lifetime opportunity. I’m excited to see what life is like outside the States and our own little American suburban bubble I’ve spent the majority of my life in. I’m excited to give my kids the opportunity to be exposed to other cultures and lifestyles. I’m hoping it teaches them empathy and understanding. Shoot, I hope it teaches ME those things. This trial run should be quite illuminating and finally give me something tangible to better understand where our lives are headed.

Saxomaphone

As things are at a bit of a holding pattern for our move, I thought I’d jot down some thoughts I have on Saxophone, and why I love (and often hate) the instrument and why I connect with it, why I never truly pursued a career with it, and what the future holds for my relationship with it.

I must have been 4 or 5 at the time. I was home watching Sesame Street. Kermit may have just finished his news rundown for the day, or Grover did something silly. Then, they cut to one of their segments in the “real world.” They took us to a saxophone factory. I don’t recall if they mentioned which specific company, but there we were. Bells being pressed into shape, the body tube formed, key holes drawn. Then at the end, one of the craftsmen played a brand new saxophone fresh off of the assembly line. That was it. I was hooked. From that moment on, I knew I wanted to play saxophone.

Fast forward a few years to fourth grade. This was our first year of being able to choose an instrument for elementary school. We were offered violin, clarinet, trombone or trumpet. What?!?! No Saxophone?!?! I was distraught. All I wanted to play was saxophone. I knew I didn’t want to play any of the other instruments, but I had to make a decision. I reluctantly chose trumpet, partly because Dan, my older brother, had played it. So I got through 4th grade. I remember not hating it, but I couldn’t get saxophone out of my mind.

Fifth grade finally came along, and saxophone was now available to me! Woohoo!!! I was so excited. But my excitement was almost extinguished again. We were informed that in order to play saxophone, I would have had to play clarinet in 4th grade to get started in the woodwind family. I was devastated. My dream I’d held for so long and was so close, was now looking like it may not have been possible! I spoke to my parents, and my father, who always seemed to be willing to be the squeaky wheel, went to the school to talk personally to the head of the music department. He spoke to them, and they relented and let me switch from the brass family to woodwinds, and specifically, saxophone.

I remember going to Central Music Supply (if I remember the name of the music store correctly) and renting a clearly well used instrument a few weeks before school started. I can vividly recall opening the case and just gazing at the instrument for what felt like hours, curious, excited, and intimidated. All these keys! What did they all do? And what is this smaller metal part that looks like a pipe? And what is this other plastic thing? How does it make a sound? I did this everyday until school started and we had our first lesson.

There were three of us, if I remember correctly, myself, one person who I can’t recall, and Jon Gala, who remains one of my closest friends to this day. Ms. Posomoto (I can’t recall if this is how to properly spell her last name. I hope I got it right!) was the woodwind teacher for the school. I remember her being a wonderful teacher. She was always in a good mood, very supportive and encouraging, especially for beginners.

She carefully walked us through the process of carefully taking our instruments out, putting our neck straps on, and clipping the instrument to the neck strap. Then, as it turned out, that smaller metal part that looked like a pipe, was the neck! We carefully placed the necks onto the body of the instrument and tightened the screw to keep it in place and prevent it from swiveling. Next, the mouthpiece, and finally, the reed. Soak the reed in your mouth first to get it wet, then place it onto the mouthpiece, and place the ligature onto the mouthpiece securing the reed in place. Now, tuck your bottom lip over your teeth, put the mouthpiece into your mouth, gently place your top teeth on the the mouthpiece, and BLOW!!!

SOUND! I MADE A SOUND! It was thrilling! So exciting! My journey had begun! Little did I know, it would carry me all the way to today.

She showed us some notes, and had us play them, gradually working up to a C major scale.

I took to the instrument pretty naturally. I was able to produce a solid sound (for a beginner) almost immediately. Reading music came pretty quickly for me, as well.

After a few weeks, the rental instrument I was using was giving me lots of problems. My grandfather, who was my only living grandparent, who I rarely saw, was kind enough to give me the money to purchase a brand new Bundy II student model saxophone. It felt like I just got a new Ferrari. I had a new instrument that felt a lot better to play, and didn’t give me any of the issues I had dealt with on the rental.

In the spring we had the NYSMA competitions/auditions. I made all county band! It was so cool! Looking back, it feels like it happened long after I had started; I only now realized it was during my first year of learning the instrument! Pretty crazy!

My parents realized I had a natural knack for the instrument, and promptly signed me up for private saxophone instruction at Nazareth College Preparatory Department. I started studying classical saxophone with Corinne Africano. She was a fabulous classical saxophonist and went to Indiana University, which is a highly regarded classical program. I studied with Corinne through either Sophomore or Junior year of High School, and became a pretty solid classical saxophonist. My parents didn’t know anything about jazz, and didn’t realize at the time of signing me up for lessons, I would have likely benefited from studying with someone that had a jazz background, as that was more of what I was interested in. Corinne was a fabulous teacher, and I learned a ton from her, as well as developed a very solid technical proficiency on the instrument from working on several challenging classical pieces, but studying strictly classical for that long puts your playing in a very confined box, and it takes years to expand your sound and other aspects of your playing to become a versatile saxophonist.

In either Freshman or Sophomore year of High School, as I had already decided I wanted to go to music school, I realized it was time to move up from my trusty Bundy II alto that had served me well. I was deciding between a Selmer Paris Super Action 80 Series II and an American Selmer professional model. I eventually chose the American Selmer, which was a massive step up from the Bundy, which was clearly showing its limitations. I used inheritance money my grandfather had left me when he passed away shortly before that, as my parents didn’t have the money to afford a brand new professional level instrument. In my senior year of high school, shortly after my father passed away, using some of the life insurance money he left me, I purchased a Selmer Series III soprano saxophone in black lacquer. It was a wonderful instrument, and a way to remember my departed father.

I was introduced to the trumpet virtuoso, Paul Smoker, in the early fall of 1994 at the start of my Senior year. Although not a saxophonist, he was and remains the most important teacher I ever studied with. I auditioned at Eastman, which was an utter disaster, as I had only started learning jazz a few months earlier with Paul, but waited on applying to Berklee. I ended up spending my first semester of college at Monroe Community College, and continued studying with Paul, but applied to Berklee in that time. In January of 1996, I packed my bags, and headed off to Boston.

After my first few weeks at Berklee, fellow students were giving me info on who to study with, what kinds of things to look out for, good times to get practice rooms, etc… Everyone I met quickly found out I was a Coltrane fanatic. My obsession in late High School shifted from Jimi Hendrix to John Coltrane after I started studying with Paul. A few people said I needed to check out George Garzone.

He was playing at Willow Jazz Club, I think at the time, with his long standing trio, The Fringe, with himself, John Lockwood on bass, and the late Bob Gullotti on drums. The first time I saw him play was with this electric guitar player, who was insanely loud. But the moments I heard George cut through, hit me like a ton of bricks. This was the guy. He was the one. His sound. his time. His unabashed creativity.

I studied with Fred Lipsius during my first semester, but was able to sign up with George for my second semester. I wasn’t ready, though. I hadn’t developed enough to really get anything from what George offered. He was teaching concepts that were far beyond what I was able to grasp yet.

During my first semester studying with George, in one of my first lessons with him, he told me I should get a new horn and a new mouthpiece, specifically a Mark VI. He said I didn’t have a strong enough sound and my American Selmer wasn’t cutting it. I went over to Rayburns Music, and asked Emilio Lyons to show me the Mark VI’s he had available He showed me a few, but picked one out in particular that he told me I should get. It was sparkling new looking, which was surprising for a vintage instrument. He was honest with me, and told me it was a relacquer. The others weren’t, but they were far more beat up and not nearly as good. This was the oldest of the bunch, made in 1957, and had been taken good care of. It leaked like crazy, so I couldn’t get a good feel for it. But I trusted Emilio. He was revered in Boston, and around the world, and George told me to trust him, so I did. I traded in my American Selmer, Emilio did the overhaul on the horn, 28 years later, I still have that horn. And it’s the best alto I’ve ever played. It’s starting to show its age in a few places now, but it’s still playing in tip top shape. When I purchased that horn, I also got a Meyer 7 mouthpiece with a long facing. It suited me pretty well, and I used that piece for almost 20 years.

For my third semester at Berklee, I signed up with a new teacher, in her first semester teaching at Berklee. Shannon LeClaire. This was the best possible thing that could have happened to me at Berklee. Shannon is a phenomenal saxophonist. Classical, jazz, you throw anything at her, she’ll kill it. But she’s also an amazing teacher. She laid things out in the most clear way anyone ever had for me before or since. I’d actually love to reconnect with her and take some lessons with her again! This was a turning point for me.

In my first semester, I met one of my very best friends, drummer Derek Landel. He and I played jam sessions at night at school at least weekly from then on until Derek finished the program in 1998 and moved back to New Jersey. But Derek and I were always hanging out, listening to music together, and most importantly for me, playing duo together. He was ALWAYS in a practice room. So multiple times a week, I would bring my horn to his practice room, and we’d just play duo for an hour or so. No songs, no form, just time. I remember one day we did this, and something clicked for me. It was the first time I remember really feeling and understanding the quarter note pulse of swing. I could hear it and lock to it in a way I never had before. Soon thereafter, I started noticing the subtleties and nuances of what made a good jazz saxophone sound. I could hear the differences between an undeveloped beginner, and someone who had developed a strong, supported sound. It was liberating. It was revolutionary for me. It also set me up for my time studying with Shannon.

I studied with Shannon for a couple semesters before going back with George for the rest of the time I was there. During my time with George, the lessons I hold closest are sound and time. Sound and time. If you have a good sound and a good sense of time, the notes you play won’t matter. If you have a good sound, and you’re swinging your ass off, people will like it and latch onto it. The notes are secondary. Also, don’t use your damn tongue. That’s one I’m going back to right now.

Thinking back to my time at Berklee, it was really a remarkable time to be a student there. My classmates included Bob Reynolds, Jaleel Shaw, Dayna Stephens, Walter Smith III, Patrick Cornelius, Eli Degibri, Miguel Zenon, Jeremy Pelt, Avishai Cohen (trumpet player), Charles Haynes, Kendrick Scott, Antonio Sanchez, and so many others I’m not listing here. It’s crazy the talent that was there at the same time as me. I couldn’t help but improve just through osmosis and being around these guys all the time.

As a saxophonist, one of the hardest things to NOT do is compare yourself to other horn players. I was heavily afflicted with that while I was at Berklee. But each of these guys mentioned above are the absolute nicest people. I would try to hang with Jaleel whenever I could. Walter Smith III would drag me out to jam sessions at Wonder Bar often. I was nervous as could be, but he’d push me to do it. I can’t imagine he remembers those moments, but they mean the world to me.

My senior recital came, and was pretty successful and well received. So that was a boost to my confidence. I graduated and moved to New York City on August 27 of 1999.

In my Junior year of college, I went back to Rayburns to buy a tenor. I tried a bunch of Mark VI’s, and ended up settling for a 1956 horn that showed its age. Emilio told me it was original lacquer, which I later found out was not the case. I don’t know if Emilio simply made a mistake when looking at the horn, or was less than honest. In any event, I never got comfortable on that instrument. Around 2003 I sold the horn, and purchased a 61,XXX Mark VI that had been stripped of its lacquer from Roberto in New York City. He also assured me that while the horn had been stripped, it was still original and had not been re-lacquered. He, too, was wrong. Upon further inspection, it had clearly been relacquered at some point prior to having the lacquer removed.

I moved to New York after graduating Berklee, as aspiring jazz musicians do, to test the waters. I gigged occasionally, around the city, at clubs like Detour, 55 Bar, and my favorite club, Smalls. Unfortunately, only Smalls survives. But I was only called as a side musician a handful of times. Not surprising considering my lack of work I had put into really learning the music and preparing.

I chased the dream for a few years, but it was exhausting. Especially when I was working a full time job, and had somehow transitioned into becoming an accountant. I had recorded two CD’s but neither went anywhere. Then I met my wife, fell in love, and music took a further back seat. We got married, moved to New Rochelle, had our first child and I put my horns away for about three years until we moved to Northern Virginia. I have my own music room in my house, which I soundproofed. I even got a drum kit in there, along with my guitars and a small scale bass. I’m going to be sad to not have that room when we move. It’s kind of my fortress of solitude.

I love the saxophone. I feel a connection to the instrument. The shape of it is so sexy and beautiful. I love the mechanical movements of all the keys, and how they are all so interconnected. It’s really quite fascinating. I love the feel of it in my hands. It is such a natural feeling to hold one. It rests so perfectly in my grip with no discomfort or contortions. The best part of saxophone for me is fueling the sound with my own breath that connects me to the instrument. You are literally breathing life into the instrument. I don’t feel anywhere near as connected to guitar or drums as I do on saxophone. Granted, I’m a pretty bad guitar player, and even worse drummer. But the physical connection you form with saxophone is a special thing. I love that each instrument (alto, tenor, soprano, baritone) has its own distinct sound and characteristic that can be utilized to create different emotional responses.

I also love that small equipment changes can have a profound effect on the way an instrument plays. Different mouthpieces can make your sound dark and subtle or bright and edgy or even harsh. Reeds can do the same thing. Ligatures (the thing that holds the reed to the mouthpiece) can even have subtle effects on the horn! Then there is the snake oil gadgets like heavy mass neck screws, or other silly crap people put on their instrument. I must confess, though, that I do use a heavy mass screw on alto. I was a doubter. I could never possibly begin to explain how this thing works, but it makes the instrument feel more lively. I don’t think the external listener could possibly tell the difference in sound, but as the player, it is noticeable.

I love trying different instruments and mouthpieces out. It’s fun and exciting to see what new products are out there. The best part is trying different instruments and always coming home to the ones I have. Granted, I just sold my vintage tenor Mark VI and Series III soprano in black lacquer and replaced them with John Leadbetter’s JL Woodwind Artist Edition saxophones. I’ve written elsewhere about my thoughts on vintage vs. new instruments. I’ll keep my vintage alto as long as it plays the way it does. But these new instruments from John are so amazing to play. They resonate through my whole body. They’re incredibly comfortable. They have so much depth to their sound. And they are beautiful. John is OCD when it comes to making sure his instruments are set up perfectly before he sends them out to his customers. There are a lot of other great instruments on the market right now, but I don’t know of any that can boast the quality of set-up when they leave the shop. John is a wizard, as far as I’m concerned, and the saxophone community is immensely fortunate to have him.

Another similar craftsman is Ted Klum. A few years ago, I took a trip up to New Jersey with a couple friends to visit Ted Klum’s workshop. I tried a few different mouthpieces, and came to realize what I had been missing. I had no idea playing and creating a sound could be so effortless. I purchased a brand new alto and tenor mouthpiece from him that day and have been on them since.

Saxophone, however, is a fickle bitch. Random tiny little leaks in the pads can render the instrument almost unplayable. Reeds are the worst part of it all. Weather has huge impacts on the playability of the instrument. If it’s too dry, the reeds don’t work right. If it’s too humid, they feel stuffy like you have a sock in the horn. If the reed isn’t lined up exactly right on the mouthpiece, the horn becomes far less responsive. But when you find that good reed, and the horn is sealing top to bottom, and you feel the horn resonate through your whole body, the feeling is indescribable.

So why didn’t I have more success as a professional musician? In one word: work. I never really put in the necessary work. I’m not sure what it is with my friends who have that drive and dedication. I don’t know where it comes from. Is there some innate personality trait? Is it just something they discovered and love more than me? I can’t answer that question. What I do know is that they all worked a whole hell of a lot harder than I did. They were in the practice room for longer than me. They went to the jam sessions. They utilized the teachers more. They transcribed other saxophonists. They put together clear practice regiments. All of it. Bill Pierce was the head of the woodwind department when I was at Berklee! I never talked to him. What a missed opportunity of an incredible resource I had! I didn’t work hard enough on ear training. Harmony came relatively natural to me, but I wasn’t at a level on my instrument to incorporate it into my playing or composing yet. I’ve now forgotten all of that knowledge, which really bums me out. This is a common theme in many areas of my life. I’m a bit of a jack of all trades, master of none. I find I have a decent amount of natural aptitude for many things, but I never seem to have the motivation or drive to truly master the craft. Weather it’s music, or cooking, or photography. But I’m content, and as I reflect on my life, know that I enjoy the creature comforts and love of my family. That is more than enough to sustain me.

What now? I’m practicing more than I have in a few years. I actually have some things I want to start working on. Namely transcribing. I’ve only transcribed a handful of solos in my whole life. There is no better ear training than transcribing solos. So that’s what I want to focus on for the time being. An hour of practice lately only feels like enough time to warm up. It’s hard deciding which instrument I’m going to work on each day as each one is so enjoyable to play right now. I’m really in saxophone heaven for the moment.

As I have no plans of what to do with my life when we move to Bangkok, other than the normal family things, I want to see what the jazz scene is like. My understanding is they have a decent scene going on. Apparently, the previous King was a saxophonist and loved jazz! I’d be thrilled to meet fellow musicians and get involved. I definitely miss playing with other people. I was getting out to jam sessions in DC the first couple years I was here, but when my son Miles was born, things slowed down, them the pandemic hit, and I’ve been a hermit since. Hopefully moving overseas will spur me on to get involved with playing with other humans again.

Biz Casual

Tonight I purged my closet and got rid of nearly every pair of business casual slacks I owned. There were more than I’m proud to mention, accumulated through the years working in the corporate world. First in the early 2000’s in NYC where I discovered my natural ability for accounting, working at Thomson Financial, then Thomson Media, and one horrible job for only a few months, which took me through to 2010, where I started working at charity: water, which lasted nearly 5 years. The attire there was decidedly not business casual. It wasn’t uncommon to wear shorts there. It was, at the time, a boutique start-up of a non-profit, full of young, hip type-A’s that wanted to change the world. They were very much into the more relaxed, flexible environment. I was a bit older at than most of my co-workers, and certainly no type-A. But it was a great group of people and I was happy to work for an organization that wanted to make a difference in the world rather than just make as much profit as possible.

Where was, I? Oh yeah, business casual clothes. So my family and I moved down to Northern Virginia in early summer of 2015 to be closer to my wife’s parents, primarily to be close to her mother, who had ALS, and we wanted to be around for as long as we had. Our older son, Henry, got to spend a lot of time with her, which she cherished. Henry was only two and a half at the time, so has only fleeting memories of her. She passed away in February of 2017, just a few months before Miles was born.

So… Soon before we left NYC, I had made a few trips down to DC job hunting. I landed a job at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce as Director of Accounting. I had few reservations accepting the job. Primarily, political, as I am diametrically opposed to the vast majority of their policy positions, but also because of the attire. When I started at the Chamber, they were full business attire. Suit and tie. So I was going from an absolutely casual atmosphere at charity: water, wearing jeans and t-shirts every day, playing ping pong with my co-workers, to the most buttoned-up place I could imagine. But my boss turned out to be the best boss I’d ever had. She was incredibly knowledgeable, a damn good accountant, helpful but without even an ounce of micro-managing, and maybe most importantly, she acted as a buffer between accounting and the rest of the organization’s internal political drama. Internal political drama exists at nearly every job, but the sign of a great boss is one willing to absorb the brunt of it and allow their team to focus on the job at hand. And good accountants have a major responsibility to ignore as much of the political BS as possible. Numbers don’t lie, accounting regulations exist and need to be followed, and people try to get you to bend the rules regularly and make exceptions. The team I worked with was also fabulous. A really great group of people that were all really good at what they did. It just happened to be for an organization I vehemently disagreed with.

I was at the Chamber from around August of 2015 through October of 2021, if I am remembering this correctly. Around 2018 or 2019, the top execs at the Chamber were starting to transition, and the new head boss changed things up to business casual, a very welcomed change. It stayed that way until the pandemic hit, and we all went remote.

During this time, the policies the Chamber was championing became more than I was willing to accept, and I started casually looking for another job. I received a random call from a recruiter, who apparently found my profile on LinkedIn, which had not been updated for quite some time, and I took a job at a non-profit here in Northern Virginia, a five minute drive from my house. An impossibly short commute. It took some haggling and negotiating to get them to match my demands, but they did quite willingly.

I wound up with another great boss, and a really nice team, but it was hard to really connect and get to know everyone, largely because we were remote when I started. It was somewhat spread out, in terms of the corporate structure and how teams were organized. And there was a lot of turn-over in my department. Just two weeks after I started, one of my subordinates quit as they didn’t get the job I took. Can’t blame them, but they weren’t ready for the job. We hired internally someone that ended up being too inexperienced, and never really took the burden off of me, and I never really grew into the job to the extent I, or management wanted. My wife accepted the job in Bangkok about a year and a half into my job there, which I left in July of 2023. I’ve been on a contract assignment at Malala Fund since as my family prepares to move. I only went into the office a handful of times while I was at that job, and occasionally broke out my business casual clothes.

But my Malala Fund assignment is wrapping up in about two more months, and I won’t be holding down a job stateside again until we move back (IF we move back). Seeing as we’re moving to a tropical climate, and I’m going there with no idea whatsoever of what I’ll be doing, and knowing I can get custom tailored clothes for a fraction of off-the-rack clothes here, I get to GLADLY donate my dozen or so business slacks and cotton chinos. I’m ready, willing, and able to wear shorts, t-shirts and flip flops exclusively as much as possible.

The Long, Gradual Purge

Right now there is a hurry up and wait feeling with the move. We have a lot to sort out, but much of what we need to do needs to wait until we get closer to the move. We plan to rent our house out when we move, so getting everything we own out of the house is a major undertaking. We have a contractor that has already updated our two half-bathrooms, but we will need to have them paint the inside top-to-bottom. We also will have the carpets replaced. But we can’t do those things right now because we have two young boys that will inevitably stain anything new in seconds flat. Also, we need to get all of the large items out of the living room and basement so the contractors can easily get to everything they need to access.

Each weekend, Kate and I have been choosing one small area of the house to tackle, usually involving purging crap that’s accumulated over the eight years we’ve lived in the house. Last weekend, over the long weekend, I went through every single piece of paper we had in the house. Good thing I kept that Costco receipt for protein bars from 2017. Seriously. Why don’t we ever throw things out right away? We’re getting rid of probably 99% of the paper we have been holding. Obvious things we are keeping are closing documents for the house and other important items. But soooo much useless unnecessary paper! We just had two snow storms (“storm” used loosely as I’m from Rochester, NY, and that term hits differently in Northern VA). But once the snow melts, Kate and I are going to bring the giant plastic bag of all of the papers that we don’t need (but don’t want to just trash as there is personal info listed) and burn them all in our fire pit. That should be a good time.

Let’s talk for a moment about accumulated crap from kids. My boys are now 11 and 6 years old. We still have baby toys sitting around. The common theme I’m sure many of my fellow parents can relate to is buying some coveted toy or game for your kids, it gets played with once, then gets put away and forgotten about as they would rather play with a wadded up ball of paper. Crap just shoved in drawers and shelves never to be thought about again until, well, now. Necessity is the mother of getting rid of shit. We’re trying to work with our boys to have them make decisions on what they keep and what they get rid of. Every couple of weeks, we give our boys a cardboard box, and we tell them to fill it with toys and books that they no longer want so we can donate it to goodwill. We’re getting there. Slowly but surely. But mostly slowly. So Kate an I will need to make decisions for them.

But let me be clear. This in no way absolves me from my contribution to the accumulation of stuff. I have a bunch of keepsakes, where in normal circumstances, would be perfectly reasonable to hold on to. But we’re now past that stage. Hard decisions need to be made. I still have the stat print-outs my dad kept of my travel soccer team from when I was 13 as he was the coach. (My dad was a bit OCD when it came to tracking stats for a youth soccer team and similar endeavors, but that was part of his charm.) There is no legitimate reason for me to hold on to this stuff, but it’s a small part of him that I got to hold on to to remind me of who he was. He passed away when I was 17 right before my senior year of high school. Some of these things hold a lot of sentimental value to me. But do I really need to know who was the leading scorer of my 13 year old soccer team? (It was me, but who’s really keeping track.)

So right now, it’s a lot of the easier decisions of what we are getting rid of and what we’re keeping. As we get closer, the plan is to move our Lovesac sofa and super nice mattress into storage as it’ll be cheaper to store them than purchase new items if and when we return after Kate’s three year contract is up. I’m not really looking forward to making the hard decisions. But at the same time, it’s liberating. I’m being forced to embrace living more minimally. Memories are the items I want to keep with me. Not useless crap that adds no true value to our lives that just sits in boxes for years on end until accidentally being stumbling upon once in a blue moon just to get all nostalgic and melancholy.

Welcome! Come along for my (our) journey and other things!

Hi everyone, and welcome to my redesigned website. It had been stagnant for years, hosting very out of date info about my second CD I recorded 18 years ago! (Gah! Has it really been that long?!?!) It was dedicated to my “music career,” which never came anywhere near lucrative. I think I knew it never would, even while I was a student at Berklee studying music performance for saxophone. But that is a story for another blog entry.

The motivating factor to finally do something with my website was to document and share my family’s and my experience as we rapidly approach a major new chapter in our lives. My wife, Kate, has accepted a job at an international school in Bangkok. It was an opportunity she couldn’t pass up, so we decided to take a leap of faith and move overseas in June of 2024.

We still have about five months until we move, but time is moving extraordinarily fast with a lot to take care of. We have a nice modestly sized townhome in Northern Virginia, where we have accumulated a LOT of stuff in the eight-plus years we’ve lived here. Having two young boys will do that to a home, I suppose. Our plan is to keep the house and rent it out while we’re gone. Kate will be on a three year contract. What the future holds beyond that three years is anybody’s guess. But since we’ll be renting the house out, we need to empty it of absolutely everything. We’ll likely rent a small storage locker to keep a couple pieces of furniture and keepsakes that we want to hold onto. Other than that, we’re purging nearly everything we own. Trying to sell as much as possible, donating what we can’t sell, and trashing what isn’t worth donating.

Leading up to the move, I got set up with a pretty ideal contract job at Malala Fund that takes me through early April, when my contract ends. That will give me a couple months to really go to town on our house to prepare it. We have a contractor that will come in and replace carpet, paint, and do some other cosmetic work to set it up. But I’ll also have time to decompress, practice saxophone, get to the gym, play golf, and consider what types of things I might pursue when we move to Bangkok.

While clearing out the house and preparing for the move is daunting, the thing that is the most anxiety inducing is considering what I’ll do when we move. My wife has her job set up. My boys Henry and Miles will be in school (the same school Kate will be working at). But me? No fucking idea.

So many things are going through my head. Should I try to play music? (Hell yeah!) But aside from that, should I find something more lucrative? Friends of mine that have lived in that part of the world say I shouldn’t have a difficult time at all finding work over there. The question is, do I want to do that type of thing? I’ve been working in accounting for over 20 years now! I think I’m ready to step away, at least briefly, to re-evaluate what kinds of things I want, and can do.

I love cooking. Well, baking, making pizza, and smoking BBQ, to be more specific. And I’m damn good at it. But starting a restaurant is prohibitively difficult. Especially in Thailand, where, from what I’ve heard, is very difficult for non-Thai individuals to start a business, unless you have Thai business partners. But it’s certainly something I want to at least explore.

I could also potentially look to teach beginner saxophone lessons. I think I could enjoy that. I could also look to teach English lessons online.

Ideally, at least at first, I want something that offers a ton of flexibility where I can really set my own hours. My wife will have a large amount of vacation time, and we plan to fully take advantage of it, and travel all over Southeast Asia.

So anyways, that’s a glimpse of the things I’ll be writing about as we prepare to embark on our journey. I’ll also have a page on the site with info about my long-past musical endeavors, including some clips of live performances from long-ago, as well as a page of my photography, and probably a page dedicated to my pizza making, baking and BBQ. Because who doesn’t love food porn?